Friday, December 02, 2005

First 'Men!' post

A friend (let's call him Y Chromosome) who is seeing -- no, is in a serious, committed relationship -- with another, very close, friend (X Chromosome), just came back to Bangalore after a month visiting his parents back home. He called me to ask if I would like to join them on M G Road for coffee. Now, I knew X Ch had been missing him terribly and had a million things to talk to him about, and I had no wish to be de trop -- or as we elegantly put it back in school, kabab mein haddi. So I made a gentle excuse, whereupon Y Ch, guessing with unusual perspicacity for his sex my real reasons for refusing, informed me that they were not meeting tete-a-tete in any case, since his room-mate was also dropping by.

Since I know both these people very well and sort of look upon them as children who have to be hand-held through the delicate moves of a serious, committed relationship, I asked why he was not meeting his girlfriend alone. After all, they hadn't met for almost a month and must have been looking forward to seeing each other without hangers on. Y Ch, to my utter surprise, started off on how he didn't see why he should have to meet her alone. Meet her, yes, but why alone? As long as he was seeing her, how did it matter if there were other people joining them? I suggested, though I should have given up by then, that they may have stuff to talk about that would be difficult to discuss in front of others, even close friends. The man refused to see my point! "Come on, we are not those ultra-romantic types, like soppy teenagers or something," he said, or something to that effect.

I was hopping mad by this point. At him, and at all men. I cut him off on the phone, almost rudely I suspect, and turned to vent my spleen at the only man I know who will take it, who had all along been making exaggerated gestures expressing exasperation at my 'interference'. I raved and ranted about how insensitive men were, how they had no concept of privacy, how this guy could at least have acknowledged that they need to meet alone while admitting he couldn't refuse to meet his friend etc etc.

At which point, the Light of my Life replies: "Listen, it's not as if they are going to get much privacy in a coffee shop anyway. I mean, it's a public place after all."

I stood there with my mouth hanging open for about two minutes. Was he suggesting, was he by any chance suggesting, that a couple needs to meet alone only so they can jump each other's bones? That if you are meeting in a public place, it hardly matters whether it's just the two of you or the entire extended list of your friends, since you can't do anything much other than hold hands anyway? He had the good grace to look sheepish, but he couldn't deny that yes, he had sort of meant that. Then he tried to backtrack by saying that this guy probably didn't understand all this yet, that you do need to talk and all, but give him time, he'll get more sensitive (like me) -- all the time implying that he had been browbeaten into sensitivity over the years he has known me and wishes the same fate on all other men.

What does one do with them? Really?

19 Comments:

At December 02, 2005 6:16 PM, Blogger Ron said...

Ufffff!! TELL me about it!!! MEN!!!!!!!!!!! Eto dumb kano era ke jaane!!!! I think all men need to be browbeaten into thinking sensibly!!

 
At December 02, 2005 11:01 PM, Blogger acidrocks said...

Simple .... Love them as they are....as we love you as how you are ...!!!!! The light of your life is too good..he is just awesome...he is just adorable...what you say...?

 
At December 02, 2005 11:52 PM, Blogger Sue said...

Well... you could meet my fiance sometime. He thinks meaningful communication is staying awake while I talk. Guess you're lucky, lady.

 
At December 03, 2005 3:53 AM, Blogger Bidi-K said...

This post made my day :) Spent most of last night discussing exact same sentiments with housemates....a never satisfactorily answered question, what to do!

 
At December 03, 2005 10:51 AM, Blogger Jabberwock said...

Nice post. But more than what your noble Better Half had to say, I was surprised by the fact that this guy and his girlfriend had never been alone together (whether in a public or private place). Reminds me of those so-called boyfriend-girlfriend relationships in many colleges (at least in Delhi) where two people can be "going around" for years without ever actually having spent any time together away from their group of friends.

BTW, "browbeaten into senstitivity" is a great term - you should take out a copyright pronto.

 
At December 03, 2005 1:24 PM, Anonymous Sakshi said...

Well...thats why men are such "Dicks"...:)

BTW..good post.

 
At December 03, 2005 10:52 PM, Blogger MumbaiGirl said...

sigh...really...men...The only answer is to keep browbeating them.

 
At December 04, 2005 12:14 AM, Blogger Rimi said...

heh, 'browbeaten into sensitivity' is already copied and stored in hard drive!

what does one do? one belives one is too young to poke one's nose into this, but one generally belives a motion of thanks to the Creator is in order, for making men so perceptibly inferior. what would we be if we didn't have the pleasure of telling ourselves what adorable idiots they are?

(imagines shrabonti's expression and ducks)

 
At December 04, 2005 10:41 AM, Blogger StupendousMan said...

there are some questions best left unanswered and un-understood. why dudes and chicks act like dudes and chicks is one of them. there is no unifying answer. or even close to it...
cheers.

 
At December 04, 2005 11:40 AM, Anonymous Saptak said...

They should be however they are and not how you think they should be.

 
At December 04, 2005 1:04 PM, Blogger PK said...

Well try to remember what was the conversation like with your LOL during courtship days.Sweet nothing? Y Ch knows that rest of his life will be spent listening to million things X Ch wants to tell him.Why spoil the bliss b4 tying the knot?-PK

 
At December 04, 2005 2:07 PM, Blogger FJ said...

Well, I hate to go out with any friend with a group of the friend's friends (strangers to me) and I have still not figured how to turn down an invitation by properly explaining this as the reason. In most cases, the friend gets me wrong.

 
At December 04, 2005 7:31 PM, Blogger the still dancer said...

err..but honestly, they were meeting at a coffee shop anyway, not like there's any privacy there or anything
har de har har har. ho ho ho and all that.
and why have you not been responding to my texts?

 
At December 05, 2005 11:47 AM, Blogger The Marauder's Map said...

Ron: Dumb is the word. Literally and fuguratively.

Acidrocks: I can imagine you thinking so, except you are not married to him, so you can't know.

Sue: No, no, I've had falling asleep episodes as well.

Jabberwock: I didn't mean they had never been alone together! Is that what it read like? Shit!

Rimi: Thanks, will take a copyright methinks. And adorable? Nah! It's just that we are too used to them, so think they are indispensable.

Saptak: Me, try to change them? Are you mad? I shudder at the thought even.

 
At December 05, 2005 8:10 PM, Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Vive la difference and all that, m'lady, but not ALL men are guilty as charged.

Generalisations are dangerous.

J.A.P.

 
At December 05, 2005 11:22 PM, Blogger Sue said...

All comparions are odious. (Ancient Chinese saying.)

:-) That's probably why we enjoy them so much.

 
At December 07, 2005 7:07 PM, Blogger wise donkey said...

well if I had been you, I would have gone, but called the x chro in advance and informed her, htat 2 more were joining and would advise her to think of stuff he wouldnt want others to know, and mention atleast a couple of them (guess if she mentioned all it would be the end of the relationship).

But if she mentions only 2 and whispers in his ear while leaving that she could have mentioned 3,4,5,6 too but didnt because she didnt want to embarrass him, perhaps he would get the message.

if some men cant understand without a demo, perhaps there should be a demo

 
At December 08, 2005 4:52 PM, Blogger The Marauder's Map said...

JAP: Not guilty, not guilty. Ok, I have said Men! but even when I was having this fight with the LOML, I was pointing out names of men who would not have behaved like this. So, see, I know there are exceptions. He knows too, now. *gleeful maniacal laughter*

Wise donkey: Great, great idea. X chro was transported with joy. We are already waiting for the next opp to present itself.

 
At December 09, 2005 11:03 PM, Blogger Bald Monkey said...

Please find our repartee :)

 

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