Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Doing something you’ve wanted to do for a long, long time is so, so satisfying. I am also a boring, boring person for repeating words like this, but anyway...

I just told a man I would appreciate it if he didn’t call me any more. Thanks. Exactly those words. They might seem tame, especially after I tell you how much he has managed to irritate me over the last few months, but for sweet, please-one please-all me, that’s a major accomplishment.

So there was this Bengali man, in his late thirties, ugly, balding and a bore (these facts have everything to do with how I felt about him, and yes, I am a very frivolous person who is very partial to good-looking men) introduced to us, as in R and me, by a colleague from Delhi. He was apparently going to be in Bangalore for a year to do a course at an institute and wanted introductions to common friends. He called, I was at effusive hostess welcoming lonely person to Bangalore best. He called again, and then again. By third phone call, I knew just what I had let myself in for. He was such a bore. Not boring, which is entirely different, but a bore. Told me entire story of his entire life full of struggles by second phone call, if that helps you get his character and everything.

He invited himself over to our place one weekend some months back. I had of course primed entire gaggle of friends who all turned up on the said day to look at him. They pulled his leg rather badly, tried to shock him by flirting outrageously with each other’s partners, threw in-jokes at each other over his head. We were not a mean lot generally, but somehow, it was felt he deserved it. He seemed to take things pretty sportingly. But surprisingly, this did not lead to anyone’s liking him any more than I did. If I could say this without sounding very mean (I can’t, so what the heck) it sort of demonstrated what a loser he was.

Then he started calling me more and more frequently. Never R, who had been as much his host as me at the aforementioned 'party', but me. In the beginning it was always to invite us to his place and all, which I always replied to with an 'oh sure. will do sometime'. Then he started asking me to meet him for dinner after office. True to my Rude People Will Go To Hell beliefs, I hemmed and hawed and sounded vague, invented excuses about being busy. Didn’t take calls, didn’t reply to messages. Did this for about a week. He was nothing if not persistent. Friends egged me on to make him crawl back into his hole in misery. What sport it was. What a keenly watched match.

Finally, and I hate to admit this, I had to fall back on ‘R doesn’t like it’. [Scrrrratch! (Sound of name being struck from Register of Sometime Feminists)].

Which was bullshit of course, in the sense that R would definitely not like my meeting this guy, but that was just because I bothered to discuss it with him. Mostly, I leave him out of all this. So much work pressure, night shifts on top, poor fellow.

All quiet for a couple of months. Then messages of ‘can I call you’ – ignored for a couple of days. Then in new year bonhomie and good cheer, I took a call from him. After painful pleasantries were exchanged, the man, in very obvious defensive fashion, started off with ‘don’t take this otherwise, I hope you don’t mind my saying this etc etc’, then asked me (again R was not even mentioned) if I would meet him for dinner. Also said he had a ‘small gift’ for me which he had brought back from the US (of course it was a perfume, as he let slip. Cheesiness of it makes me want to puke) and would I meet him so he could give it to me?

Now I got seriously psyched out. Till now I was treating him as a sort of elderly bore, mostly harmless and slightly daft for not getting rather pointed hints. Again, and this should be noted, I refused to tell him to go to hell. Where did I read recently that some women have this sort of... umm... underconfidence... that makes them loath to see the worst side of things? Which, often enough, is the right side. Ok, so tell me all about how I am a popularity junkie. Stems from my repressed childhood, no doubt.

But equally, it’s about an aversion towards unnecessary dramatisation. Telling somebody to go to hell and all that is just so dramatic. I find it infinitely easier to ho and hum and be vague. Not give in, but not make a huge point of not giving in either. To my defence, I did say R would also love to meet him (heh heh) and WE would see him sometime, of course we would. Not much enthusiasm was shown to this statement.

He said he would call me early this week. Yesterday, I sat next to my phone for a good two hours, refusing to pick up the phone. He called some twenty times. On my cell, on my landline, from his cell, his landline, from an unidentified local number. Everything. I just sat tight. Called up R and random friends and acted psyched out (I was a bit, honestly).

Today, I get this text message from him: “U were busy yesterday, can I call you now? Also if you feel that I am going crazy let me know.”

That’s when those immortal lines were uttered. I would appreciate it if you didn’t call me. Thanks.

Sweeter words were never spoken. Aaah!


At January 11, 2006 12:19 AM, Blogger Anyesha said...

This is serious stalker business but I guess we sometimes tend to keep dismissing the cyber and phones weirdo's for the longest time (rather say the odd disinterested oh-ho than the rude get-lost) till things cross the line. Hope he does not bother you anymore.

At January 11, 2006 9:41 AM, Blogger LAK said...

Wow, good for you Marauder! Hope he veers off. Seems a creep. But all creeps are not ugly, balding bores. Sometimes they come in goodlooking packages, so beware! they are more diff to identify.

At January 11, 2006 9:55 AM, Blogger 4WD said...

You should work on poloice protection. Or better still, find a fat, balding, boring woman that you don't like and give him her number, if he calls again.

At January 11, 2006 10:36 AM, Blogger Ron said...

I am very very proud of you!!I am kind of facing a similar situation, (only in my case, this annoying boy keeps calling in the middle of the night when I want to sleep) and I just kind tell him to go away and stop bothering me. I think I shall draw inspiration from you and tell him off next time he calls :)

At January 11, 2006 6:12 PM, Blogger the still dancer said...

random friends, eh? hmmm...I wonder who those poor, suffering souls were.

At January 12, 2006 10:51 AM, Blogger Sheetal said...

Good for you.

At January 12, 2006 12:51 PM, Blogger AB said...

I can so totally imagine how you were feeling. Good for you that you managed to say those words...

At January 12, 2006 3:17 PM, Blogger Meenmekh said...


At January 13, 2006 7:14 AM, Anonymous Saptak said...

>> Rude People Will Go To Hell

On the contrary, rude people just go to Seattle ;-)

At January 13, 2006 8:54 AM, Blogger The Marauder's Map said...

Anyesha: Ya, I thought so too. Would have got truly paranoid if I didn't keep seeing the funny side of it.

LAK: Not to me, they don't. In goodlooking packages, i.e. Heh heh. Just kidding of course.

4wd: Ha! the expected sarcastic remark from a Man! Can't you see there's a sorority meet going on here?

Ron: At least it's a boy. Somebody you can talk to in your own lingo, not a forty-year-old who's excruciatingly polite and tries to act suave in the manner of Latin lovers. But tick him off, do, it's easier than you think, I say in newfound wisdom.

Kaashyapeya: Again here's a man getting all sarcastic. just jealous, methinks. Nobody stalks them after all, poor things.

Sheetal: :) Saw Park Avenue. Will post on it.

ab: How much of this you young single things must have to face, my god!

Meenmekh: Grrr. You, of all people, should know how difficult it would be for me.

Saptak: What ARE they feeding you there? How is sense of humour showing such marked improvement? LOL.

At January 13, 2006 12:36 PM, Blogger 4WD said...

Dude, it wasn't a sarcastic remark :) It really was serious. Both parts of my comment!

Anyway, i'm not a man, i'm a BOY.

At January 18, 2006 12:52 AM, Blogger Ghetufool said...

this is the best certificate a woman can get.
dont lose your admirer. if you have one 'R' in your life than already you have blocked the whole 'R-World'. let some spammers creep in. otherwise life gets monotonous.
sometimes i think how fool a woman can be.

At February 07, 2006 7:23 PM, Blogger Srin said...

Two guys tried this with me. It's infuriating.

At February 12, 2006 2:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

probably ,this man is testing his
office financial strength.
Chidambram will look into this case.


At February 28, 2006 5:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I think I'm turning out like that weirdo. A lone sick old pervert. Somewhere down the line, something went wrong. The man might have been a nice guy some years ago, but in the absence of a family and friends, he was just clinging on to you, the typical elitist in metropolitan Bangalore. The guy is a poor wretched soul. I feel for him. Keep your distance but be nice to these weirdos. Don't take your appearance and social circle for granted.

At March 11, 2006 5:24 PM, Blogger Twisted for Sure said...

Stalkers wont be discouraged easily. Someone stalked my wife for nine years straight at one stage in her life.

Something tells me he will call you again. You need to communicate that if he calls you again really bad things will happen to him.

At March 11, 2006 5:26 PM, Blogger Twisted for Sure said...

And Anon, go see a shrink.


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