Saturday, August 05, 2006

Cinema hall rant

Why the 200 bucks multiplex ticket is worth it:

1. There are no rats in multiplexes.

At least, not where one can see them. At Rex while watching Omkara the other day, five minutes into the film I could hear scampering sounds and what sounded like rat calls. Two minutes later there was an extra-large rodent two inches from my toe-nail. Putting to shame the many rats I had skillfully exterminated during my brush with Zoology, I screamed and shifted two seats down the row (thankfully empty. This was definitely not the time to worry about the Indian movie-goers' lack of taste as proven by empty seats for Omkara).

2. People don't keep opening and closing the side doors.

3. You can actually hear the dialogue without placing your bum in the last two cms of space on your seat and almost putting your head on the shoulder of the person sitting in front.

Actually, even then you can't.

4. Blame it on extensive spoiling by multiplex viewings, but in a large theatre you just don't get that enclosed, intimate feeling -- the delicious feeling that there's nobody in the world except the screen and you (and the irritating stranger sitting next to you who refuses to share the armrest and the one on the other side who refuses to pass the popcorn).

Maybe I started off on a wrong footing here, but I was just very restless throughout the screening and irritatingly, intensely aware of everything around me, including a giggly couple at the back who got shouted at by me just after the interval. If you've got to giggle, go watch Shadi Kar Ke Phas Gaye, why come for Omkara for fucks' sake?

5. The film-watching experience is longer at a multiplex, thus making it worth the money.

At Rex, not only did they open the doors two minutes before the actual intermission came on, they didn't even let the final credits roll out before they just turned the screen blank and switched all the bloody overheard tubelights on. I mean, the final credits! I often stand and watch until the last person has left the theatre, in the vain hope perhaps that one day they will reward my dedication by revealing something special right at the end when the morons have filed out thinking it's over. Nope, not happened yet, but who knows?

16 Comments:

At August 09, 2006 7:14 AM, Blogger the cowlick said...

It was really surreal when I went to watch Omkara in Melbourne. The hall was like Sapna (in Lajpat Nagar?). And it had the exact same things you've described here - rat calls, awful sound system.. they even closed the curtains 10 seconds before the intermission.
We had to finally get up and sit in the front stall. Of course, the entire Indian janta kept sitting in the balcony.. because that's what they'd paid for, didn't matter that they possibly couldn't hear a thing.

PS: the one on the other side who refuses to pass the popcorn
You were waiting for stranger to pass the popcorn?

 
At August 09, 2006 9:11 AM, Blogger Lahar said...

I wholeheartedly agree that older theatres are not what we thought they were, thanks to the PVRs and Inoxes of the world. I went for Pirates of the Caribbean last week, at Symphony aka Shankar Nag. Multiplexes have completely spolit me; I used to love Symphony while in college, but I found that the seats were uncomfortable, the sound and even the visuals were lousy, and the gentleman in charge of the audio gave us about a minute during which he switched off the sound and forced us to lip-read. Eschewing subtlety, he did it six times. Half way through the movie, I started making plans to watch it at PVR.

 
At August 09, 2006 12:14 PM, Blogger The Marauder's Map said...

Cowlick: No no wait, I put that badly. I meant the person on the other side who is supposed to pass the popcorn but doesn't. The Man of course.

Lahar: I know the feeling. I was making plans to watch Omkara at Inox again barely 10 mins into the film.

 
At August 09, 2006 12:57 PM, Blogger the cowlick said...

lol.. I knew what you meant.. I was just kidding..

 
At August 09, 2006 1:41 PM, Blogger Barry said...

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At August 09, 2006 5:01 PM, Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Go watch it again. It's worth it.

Especially if you buy the nachos with cheese sauce all for yourself.

J.A.P.

 
At August 10, 2006 7:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like someone once said - stick to the fab four (Light House, New Empire, Globe and Nandan).

 
At August 10, 2006 7:44 AM, Blogger Rapid I Movement said...

Jabb baba...post-ta anon kikorey hoyey galo?

 
At August 10, 2006 12:37 PM, Blogger Ron said...

Henh henh. I dont think you lived in Bangalore when Galaxy theatre was still operational. Not only did that place have the world's most uncomfortable fibre glass type seats, which made ur backside hurt within 5 minutes of sitting down, it also had a large collection of rats as well as cats. Exciting cat and mouse games often took place during a movie.

Thank god for multiplexes

 
At August 10, 2006 12:50 PM, Blogger jhantu said...

And the numero uno reason why it is not worth it:

Those stupid half-witted dumb-asses who just refuse to either switch their phones off or put it on silent.

Come to think of it this particular genre of movie-goers deserve a scathing post.

 
At August 10, 2006 3:04 PM, Blogger The Marauder's Map said...

Cowlick: These men!

JAP: Yes, that is very much on the agenda. And there, you've spoken for all the selfish popcorn-hogging men. We women are such sharing and caring kind of creatures, we just can't do that stuff.

Rapid I: In Bangalore?

Ron: You make me shudder. Cats too?

Jhantu: I am most ashamed to admit this, but the popcorn-hogging person took a call on his cell and kept talking to his 'financial advisor' for a good 5 mins helping them fill an insurance form. I am most disgusted and am consulting a quickie-divorce lawyer.

 
At August 14, 2006 12:19 PM, Blogger Amrita said...

Watch X-Men 3, wait for the final credits to roll and feel good when they reveal that 'something special' that all the suckers that walked out missed.

 
At August 15, 2006 12:57 PM, Blogger whatsinaname said...

good logical explanation there.

 
At August 23, 2006 1:41 PM, Blogger jax said...

And..and..and..I get to give these "my movie is a lot better than yours" looks to other folks at the pop corn counter. The pop corn looks fresh too.

 
At September 07, 2006 3:28 PM, Blogger Jiggly Puff said...

I firmly agree with you on the Rex experience, but even in Multiplexes I can say that it's not really that great! I went to see Omkara in Inox on a weekday(night show) and had to bear 3 irritating individuals.They were having fun but they had to let everybody know that by loud hooting,cat-calls and near hysterical laughs. I thought several times but stopped short from giving them a warning! Wonder whether others also felt the same! But no one spoke up and the roudy's kept at it till the end of the movie! Pity I could hear only half of the movie!

 
At September 14, 2006 5:21 PM, Blogger Sheetal said...

A full month and more after the post, but what the heck.

You wait for the final credits to roll on! Me too. Stand there long after everyone has filed out and the cleaners start to whip their brooms around my ankles.. IF the halls let it play out of course.
Why don't they? Just three minutes, maybe five - why the heck can't they, who live off the movies, do their bit to give credit to the people who contribute to making them? Simple courtesy, no? Unka kya jaata hai?

 

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